Last night, after it was announced pubs, restaurants, gyms and more would be closed to try and tackle the spread of the coronavirus pandemic, I got a takeaway.
The pizza was bloody lovely, I won’t lie, but I was crippled with guilt afterwards.
The fact I can’t pop to the gym today and try and burn off some of the takeaway has made me feel embarrassingly anxious.
That’s not an okay response to a Friday night treat.
I do not have a good relationship with my body. I haven’t since I was a teenager and developed very unhealthy attitudes about food, weight and my appearance.
I think about my weight every single day, several times a day. I don’t really remember a time where this wasn’t the case.
I’m sure I’m not alone in that.
The gyms shutting up shop has made me panic, while working from home means I’ll now lose the two hours of walking I did every day getting to and from work.
I’ve been anxious about the inevitable changes to my body.
But now is not a time to punish our bodies. It’s not a time to overthink our weight or to penalise ourselves for indulging in a takeaway or sweet treats.
We are so much more than our weight and how we look, and we need to accept that changes will happen – we may gain weight, we may lose shape, but in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter?
Logically, I know I’m not overweight but it is still a battle that rages in my mind every day.
Looking in the mirror is often an analysis of all the things I want to change – much to the dismay of my long suffering (though impossibly patient) mum who, bless her wee heart, thinks I’m perfect.
Sharing a photo like the one above fills me with dread, but I’m doing it to try and get more comfortable with showing my body as it is – instead of waiting for the day where I’m finally “happy” or “proud” enough to show it off.
Especially as that day may never come.
Our bodies will continue to change throughout our whole lives, it’s just the way it goes. Right now, we all need to remember that any weight gain or changes are just a sign of the unprecedented times we’re living in.
Our bodies deserve respect, not self loathing and criticism.
We’re all different shapes and sizes and that’s a truly beautiful thing – how completely boring would life be if we all looked the same?
All bodies should be celebrated for the amazing job they do at keeping us going in this weird and wonderful world.
I realise I’m probably sounding painfully trite and naive, but we are where we are.
Though now that we’re all stuck indoors, it’s not the time to commit fully to couch potato life – we do need to implement exercise into our daily routines for the good of our mental and physical health.
We just don’t need to punish ourselves for getting a little squishier.
With that in mind, leave me your Netflix snack suggestions in the comments, please and thanks.
Stay safe and be kind to yourself and others.
Thanks for reading,